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FACT: When being threatened, aromantic asexuals start to produce a pheromene that turns everything within a 50-metre-radius strictly platonic.
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FACT: If a queer kisses a small wound (commonly known as a boo-boo), it magically gets better.
It’s why I’m such a good babysitter. My aceness gives me magical powers.
(I once told some of the kids I watch that I have superpowers. The next time I went over, their mom asked me to be more careful what I tell them, as tiny humans are quite gullible. I remain firm, however, that not only do I have superpowers, but that everyone does.)
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FACT: All asexual individuals knit.
Unless they’re left-handed.
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FACT: All asexuals are secretly Time Lords who somehow escaped the Time War